My Interracial Dating Experience

Jason is an African-American male in his late 20s. He grew up in Aurora, Ill., and currently resides in Chicago. This is his personal story of interracial dating.

I was raised pretty much to find someone in my own race. That was the underlying rule that never was voiced. At the same time, my parents were very open to me meeting someone that loves me. That was the first criteria for who I date. So I went out one night to a nightclub in downtown Chicago and I met a girl that, at the time, I thought was Hispanic. The reason why that has any difference is, for me, I find it easier when I date interracially to date other minorities because there's more of a sense that you are dating for true love and not superficial reasons.

So I met a girl who I thought was Hispanic and, after talking to her, I found out that she was not Hispanic; she was a white American. She was really cool. I thought that she was a nice person and, because it seemed that the relationship was not on any superficial wavelength, I kind of looked over my normal rule and we dated.

I went out with her and we hung out in her suburb for a while. We ended up going out to eat and, when we went to eat, she took me to a place where there were only African-Americans. I thought that was weird because I don't know a lot of white Americans who exclusively hang out at African-American restaurants when they don't really have African-American friends. It was a bit strange, but we went and we talked and she had a lot to say about her previous dating experiences. Come to find out she did date exclusively African-American males.

Soon after, the restaurant started to get crowded and, at that point, there were a lot of African-American ladies in the room. At that time, she then got a bit apprehensive and she began to talk about some of the women in the room in a not so positive fashion. None of the comments were about the males; it just seemed that the comments were directed specifically towards the women in the room. I was kind of uncomfortable by this because I felt that she was a bit threatened by the fact that there were African-American women around.

I was also a bit uncomfortable being with a white American in the African-American restaurant in terms of what people were thinking. I think my discomfort level grew with the comments she was making toward the African-American women in the room.

I couldn't help but feel that I was kind of betraying my race when popular politicians from the African-American culture came into that very same restaurant. There was a group of maybe 20 or 30 individuals that were very prominent members of Operation Push, an African-American, multicultural, minority-uplifting organization. I definitely can say that I was a bit uncomfortable by the fact that I was there specifically with a white American. I think there is a difference for African-Americans in interracial dating in general, and interracial dating with white Americans.

Anyway, I tried to make the date a good experience so we basically kept going. I took her home and dropped her off. We talked the next week on the phone and things seemed okay. She called me one weekend and she asked that we hang out with some of her friends. So we go to their house and we meet another interracial couple. It was one of her best friends, who was also a white American woman dating an African-American guy. He didn't have a job; he was really being supported by her. And outside of that whole dynamic, I couldn't really see a strong reason that they should be together and it kind of bothered me. I felt like the relationships that she and her friend were building were based specifically on the race and the exoticism of the whole interracial culture. They weren't really dating to meet people who shared their common interests.

During that day, I started to realize that there were certain themes they identified with. There were certain things that just seemed to really tie into my theory that it wasn't really a solid foundation in the relationships they were seeking; therefore, I started to analyze some of the things that we had talked about. I started to realize that she was really looking for somebody that was African-American and not so much looking for me.

After that, we pretty much concluded the relationship. I told her I had a good time, but I didn't think she was the person for me. Based on that, we walked away. I haven't talked to her since.

That was one of my not-so-positive interracial relationships. I have had some very positive interracial relationships based on substance, and when race isn't so much an issue. I haven't seen relationships like that really work well, where people came together for superficial reasons, whether it is money, culture or race.

Interracial dating has become far more widespread in America due to the variety of races and ethnicities that currently make up the country. Jason's story is one in a multitude of experiences.