Can You Really Be Friends With Your Ex?

You have shared countless memories and intimate moments with this person. You have loved each other, fought with each other and met each other's family and friends. You are no longer with this person. You have broken up. He or she is now your ex. The question is: Can you still be friends with your ex?

Sure, you probably share common interests with this person.

After all, you were once boyfriend and girlfriend. It may be tempting to keep this person in your life because you are afraid it will be impossible to find someone else who knows and loves your quirks. However, remaining friends with your ex may hinder your ability to move on and find happiness with someone new.

Breakups are hardly ever mutual, which makes it difficult to be friends with your ex. If one person grew out of the relationship while the other got dumped, it is hard for this relationship to remain on friendly terms. Depending on how the relationship ended, more than likely one of the parties feels slighted and possibly heartbroken. If this is the case, then remaining friends becomes challenging; the person who ended the relationship has the upper hand, while the one who got dumped may simply agree to be friends in the hopes of winning the person back. Plus, the person who ended the relationship often says they want to stay friends so they do not appear to be the bad guy. Though they may initially wish to lessen the blow, they likely have no intention of actually following through.

Is it really a friendship?

Sure, you did the noble thing and agreed to stay friends, but do you really think you can handle hearing the sordid details of your ex's new love life? And do you feel comfortable delving into details of your own trysts? Chances are, even if you do not have lingering feelings towards your ex, you may not want to hear the candid particulars of their newfound single life. Face it, if hearing about your ex's steamy date makes your skin crawl, you are not ready to be friends with your ex.

Chances are you shared passionate romance with your ex. Keeping in contact may result in an accidental intimate experience which may leave you feeling empty and having to deal with breakup feelings all over again. Whether you realized you were moving in two different directions or could not deal with the incessant arguing anymore, you ended the relationship for a valid reason. Trust your instincts and have the courage to move on.

Sometimes the person who ends the relationship may claim they want to stay friends in order to keep the other person around in case they do not find anyone better. If someone is bored and wants to date outside of their relationship, they may wish to keep their ex-significant other close as a standby. Do not give someone the power to remain in a relationship out of convenience. It is important to recognize when you are being used and to move away from that situation as quickly as possible.

Another drawback of keeping a friendship alive with your ex is that it makes the transition to being single much more complicated. With one foot stuck in the past, it is difficult to get out and meet new people. You may find yourself comparing your new dates to your ex. This inhibits the emotional process of moving forward with your dating life.

Remaining friends with your ex can cause problems in your current relationship. If you have succeeded in moving on and are in a new romance, your boyfriend or girlfriend may not be particularly understanding of your need to make weekly phone calls to your ex. While they may have nothing to worry about, it can be intimidating and he or she may feel threatened by your closeness with your ex. You could end up jeopardizing what may have been a great relationship with your new flame because you lack the capability to cut ties with your past.

There are many emotions involved in ending a relationship. While remaining friends with your ex may sound like a good idea in theory, give it some serious thought. If you do not want to hear about his or her new love life, or if your heart is dwelling in the past hoping for reconciliation, you may be passing up a real chance for happiness with someone new.